Why bother spending so much to look like a bombshell? why bother joining the battle of beauty? why bother putting up a front to be whatever you're not? those brands have the power to label you? does it make you stand out? does it empower you to a higher level of status then the rest? or give you the security to overcome your insecurities? perhaps, build you a platform to look down below and mock?
come back to earth, this is where you are from earthling. when you are up in the skies, don't forget to look down... see the beauty of whats down on earth from sky high... coz' if you're aiming as high as the sun... you'll only end up getting burnt.
Posted by ZayS at 2:24 AM
Saturday, February 26, 2011
sorry ain't the hardest word...
im sorry im not rich to shower you with luxury. im sorry you're miserable without your branded goods. im sorry i don't trust you but try to give in nevertheless. im sorry you can't appreciate my unique tastes. im sorry i always allow myself to get criticised and manipulated by you. im sorry i cant be as pretty as you. im sorry i can't be as 'normal' as you. im sorry im not as 'cool and hip' as you. im sorry im not as intelligent as you. im sorry for your pettiness. im sorry that you hate me for being me. im sorry that im sorry for you and most of it all... im sorry you're ever my sister.
Posted by ZayS at 12:09 AM
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Hairy Glory - may it live up to its name.
My new baby... http://hairy-glory.blogspot.com/ taking little baby steps.... but hopefully it will get there... somewhere... somehow... coz its my only hope now... so i won't be condemned by my family... enough is enough.
Posted by ZayS at 10:25 PM
the hurt letter - the devil speaks
"a dream is a wish the heart makes..." now, there ain't any dream when the heart is shattered and only you are left to mend the pieces. not even your mom can save you. oh wait she won't.
Well here's a letter to her. In case im dead, please pass on to her... im really sick and tired collecting sins coz of her.
" Thanks mom for letting me gain more sins - unnecessarily. I just don't get it why u love provoking me and poking your nose in things & blowing up e matter. Not forgetting raking up the past and kept reminding me of my past mistakes like a misguided decision making. I know it cost your money, but it cost my life! im paying for my poor decisions now and theres nothing, i repeat NOTHING that i can change about the past! Here i am trying to improve my life and there you are giving me unreasonable lectures on how i could have made my life 'perfect'. I think since im going to hell i might as well do more sins right? What's the point of trying to be perfect for you. For your ounce of happiness ive sacrificed my happiness. Well of coz i can't be sincere when im doing anything forcefully! And Im sorry ive always been a TV addict! Well hey! i didn't had much friends back then 'coz i was mummy's and daddy's little girl and wanted to be loved and accepted so i CHOSE to just went home straight after school instead of being naughty and mix with the zillion bad companies available at the old place. That caused me to get bullied! Im sorry that TV became my friend coz im always left home alone and ive read all the books you bought me and i hated maths to even think of practicing it! TV had been a form of 'escape' from my ugly reality. Thanks to TV too that i learnt to cook and learnt about alot of important, useful things which u and dad can never teach! Im also sorry that im not as 'perfect' as your little big son is. Im sorry im not him and will never be him. I just wish you can just accept me the way i am. 'Coz i am the way i am 'coz of what ive been thru. Not as smart, not as genius. Why does it seem to be a crime to be artistic and imaginative? Im sorry i cant ace in my academics. And please STOP comparing me with thousand/billion others 'coz there's only one, original me. All im asking is for you to accept me for who i am and give me faith that i can do whatever it is im trying to do. i came out of you, so why can't u understand me of all people? Well, whatever happened, happened for a reason/reasons. i didn't asked to be born. well in fact i should've been dead hours after i 'exited' your womb after turning blue choking on the godamn milk. It was just unfortunate that there was advanced medical facilities to save me in my time. And there was another tragedy when i was in my tweens and almost choked(again) on the thick smoke of flames which what woke me up to the big fire in my room with brother and sister both sleeping soundly in the same room and i woke everyone up to warn of it. Now how does it feel now to be raking the past that u can't control or change? So i was traumatised by alot of things... especially during my childhood. i can keep on hating you guys for it and not ever forgive. but i wanna live in peace and i wanna move on. i wanna live and die in peace and harmony. And if i cant live in peace and harmony in this house u and dad 'built', i dunno how im gonna die in peace. You keep using the same phrase... "if i die, then u all know..." u're like asking for death as if its the simplest thing to do in the world. well yeah, who doesn't want to have the easy way outta life? ask yourself first are you even ready to die and face god?? think before you say. and what if I die first instead? i can say the same thing too. Coz i know u need me too... so learn to be more sensitive and tactful to others 'coz even dad seem to be getting tired of you. Not that i care now... or atleast im learning to. Coz often ive been the victim of your war and im tired of being the peacemaker and nothing lasting and good come out of it. Well hope this long letter serves a purpose. there shld be more to write but right now my brain and heart is aching from crying and thinking too much and i need a break. I wish that whatever happened earlier won't happen again. But knowing you too well, it would be wishful thinking. And for the record, whatever hurtful things i've said is only to counter the hurtful things you said and plainly under the manipulation of anger. i've always love you regardless - Yours truly, your hurt daughter. "
Posted by ZayS at 10:24 PM
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Can't make my own decisions or make any with precision Well, maybe you should tie me up so I don't go where you don't want me You say that I've been changing, that I'm not just simply aging Yeah, how could that be logical? Just keep on cramming ideas down my throat
Wo-o-o-ho-oh
You don't have to believe me But the way I, way I see it Next time you point a finger I might have to bend it back Or break it, break it off Next time you point a finger... I'll point you to the mirror
If God's the game that you're playing Well, we must get more acquainted Because it has to be so lonely... to be the only one who's holy It's just my humble opinion, but it's one that I believe in You don't deserve a point of view, if the only thing you see is you
Wo-o-o-ho-oh
You don't have to believe me But the way I, way I see it Next time you point a finger I might have to bend it back Or break it, break it off Next time you point a finger... I'll point you to the mirror
This is the last second chance (I'll point you to the mirror) I'm half as good as it gets (I'll point you to the mirror) I'm on both sides of the fence (I'll point you to the mirror) Without a hint of regret... I'll hold you to it
I know you don't believe me But the way I, way I see it Next time you point a finger I might have to bend it back Or break it, break it off Next time you point a finger... I'll point you to the mirror
I know you won't believe me But the way I, way I see it Next time you point a finger I might have to bend it back Or break it, break it off Next time you point a finger... I'll point you to the mirror
Thank you Allah. Thank u for lifting this load off my shoulders and give me the opportunity for a new lease of life - a brand new chapter. Please do continue to guide me thru my journey - a journey i've always dream. A sense of fulfillment. Lead me to learn about all the wonders that u've created & steer me away from procrastination as there's so much i want to explore and discover - the richness in the world that no money can buy - a priceless experience. And only u the almighty have the power to reveal ur secrets, thus bless me with patience and sincerity to prepare me for this journey, here and thereafter. Thank u Allah.