Monday, January 31, 2005
bOuLeVaRd of A Br0kEn HeArT
Gez i juz haf to add him in my world of fantasy....the only difference is dat he's REAL...
& reality sux so much dat...
it could not exist in my life...
~Poem written by the cursed fate of yours truly@deplorable state.sigh.
Posted by ZayS at 4:06 PM
Saturday, January 29, 2005
#The Trouble With Love# ~Kelly Clarkson
Love can be of many splendid thingsCan't deny the joy it brings
A dozen roses, diamond rings
Dreams for sail and fairy tales
It will make you hear a symphony
And you just want the world to see
Well like a drug that makes you blind
It will fool you everytime
*The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesnt care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See you've got no say at all
Now I was once a fool it's true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my worlds a deeper blue
I'm sadder but I'm wiser too
I'd swore I'd never love again
Swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn't worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name
* [chorus]
Everytime I turn around
I think I've got it all figured out
My heart keeps callin and I keep on falling
over and over again
This sad story always ends the same
Me standin in the pouring rain
It seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two
(The trouble with love is)The trouble with love is yea
(It can tear you up inside)It can tear you up inside
(Make your heart believe a lie)Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride. . .
(The trouble with love is)It's in your heart
It's in your soul(It doesn't care how fast you fall)
Your losing all control(And you can't refuse the call)
See you've got no say at all(The trouble with love is)
Posted by ZayS at 9:39 PM
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
>:^If OnLy...^:<
What have become of me?i hate the one i like
and like the one i hate.
what have become of me?
i find the one i lost
and lose the one i found.
what Will become of me?
If i hate to love
and love to hate...
It's never-ending is it?
to feel like this.
to yearn to be normal.
to find the meaning of love.
If only good things happen to me.
If only i can refrain from regrets.
If only i could feel loved.
If only......my life is perfect...
~ Poem written by Syaz, aspired on A Hot,Depressing Afternoon@Sch
Posted by ZayS at 1:37 PM
Friday, January 21, 2005
"EMOt!oNaL" ~Diana Degarmo
*Sometimes I feel like cryingLaying down and dying
That's when I need you
Laughing's always easy, but sometimes I'm just scared you'll leave me
That's when I feel emotional
You say I'm just impossible
Totally unpredictable
I'm just a girl get use to it
No big deal
You can't change me why would you try?
I'm no angel but I can make you smile
And that's the way it is
That's just the way I am
*[chorus]
Don't give up
I won't hurt you
Oh, sometimes I'm just a pain
And that's the way it is
That's just the way I am
That's when I need you
Laughing's always easy but, sometimes I'm just scared you'll leave me
That's when I feel oh yeah
That's when I need you
Sometimes I get emotional
That's just the way I am
*[chorus]
Posted by ZayS at 3:01 PM
isn't he juz georgeous? *melt*
Posted by ZayS at 2:20 PM
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
>aLoNe In ThE DaRk<
why didnt i die at childbirth?why was i meant to live?
why does problems exist?
why arent problems gifted to the ungrateful ones who deserve?
why was i allowed to taste the miseries of this world instead?
why must it devastates you when your good intentions are misunderstood?
why does the stupid suffer while the intelligent gain from it?
why does the rich gain & the poor lose?
Why?Why?Why?
maybe i deserve this.
maybe my presence was a huge mistake, a burden.
maybe im like the flutter of a butterfly's wings,
which cause damage like a typhoon halfway across the world.
maybe this is part a blessing in disguise & part retribution.
For sure, i realise that one who is slow-brain, poor & stupid
are looked down upon & easily fooled . . .
~ Poem written by Syaz,inspired@sunset
Posted by ZayS at 8:47 PM
Saturday, January 01, 2005
DeGeNeRaTiOn oF cHiLdHoOd FRUSTaTiOn
Today is juz lyk any other sucky dae for me... so much for da New Year.Every1 seeemed hapi bt me,or so i feel.But i guess i shld be sumwad thankful dat im not a victim or affected by the Tsunami incident.i give my condolences to those hu lost their family or friends in the Tsunami tragedy.however,i was busted wen i checked my exam results... ya ya ... all expected. i shld've drop dead a bullet to ma head from da start.juz can't find hope to believe in.can't even face ma parents..... furthermore um goin crazy from fear of ma future.so lost.so insecure.noone to lean on cept for ma big ass on da couch staring into da non-living box hu had b'came my companion, my veri best fren, which i can forget all ma worries & problems(reality) upon juz lookin. all colours, pictures,famous peeps hu doesn't even noe i exist,bt whom i idolize for their puuurfect, beautiful bodies & features. i've cum 2 learn dat u can live a luxurious life wen u've gt all dat. wad can i sae? i feel dat im betta off living in ma world of fantasy.
dare nt dream of reality, nt even in ma sleep. Blame it on ma childhood & fate. bullied, cursed upon, lil' taste of love,care & attention. i hope i've nt lost faith or forget da One, hu i had turned to during da beginning of my rocky journey at the growing stage.where i was confused, depressed, even at petty things. frequently locked myself in ma room while da others all watch a movie as a hapi family.felt so left out.Blame it on my sensitivity,my tormented emotions. thinkin & thinkin.was it b'coz im nt adorable or cute? was it b'coz i juz cldn't master da art of bootlickin' or sweet-tokin'? it all works 4 dear lil' sis.oni 1 year younger bt capable & intelligent,all attention 2 her. Wish i wasn't da eldest,havin so much responsibilities at da same tym havin 2 yearn 4 attention & comforting words, rather den looked down upon of my weaknesses..academically,physically,socially. all dat thoughts was already processed in my young,innocent, fragile mind.Yet i wasn't turned on 2 bad influences, dun even dare 2 curse den. i had turned 2 God's grace for help & i do find peace in it. elementary sch was nt much useful in building me either,i admit i was intimidated weneva i pass by a large group of gals hu are popular & pretty , hu can pick on any other gals smaller than dem. of course i was a victim. i was skinny wads more i felt small inside out.i juz can't live with da insults,humiliation...which causes me to frequent thoughts of suicide & frequent breakdowns. Even causes me to suffer from inferiority complex(low self-esteem),depression & lack of confidence... up til now,after more than 7 years...
Part & parcel of tis life changes esp. since i went 2 high sch. i felt more freeedom den before, great frens by my side, & most importantly i learned 2 fight back weneva i'm 'pounced' on. i even began using vulgarities, nt dat i enjoy. all thx 2 frequently hearing from ma sis & how she enjoys tormenting me,dat ive taken cursing as a way of lettin' go of ma frustations.still haf breakdowns, suicidal thoughts & tokin' to myself (or God) wen im feeling depressed. de prob is im reckless in wateva i do, da violence in me keeps arising & i didn't remember Him as frequent as i used to, due 2 my lazinesss which is da huge monster in me. see how my childhood affect my developement now.& mind u bad habits die hard! From where i come from, a vast, competitive city, all dat are nt cared for as long as u haf confidence, high self-esteem, clever, fast, creative, & wad shit - da qualities i nvr possess. Tell me, shldn't i fear of what ma future mite be??shldn't i hate ma life??
~ My Very First Post !!! @New Year '05 [Pardon Me if its too long-winded... too much is kept in tis empty heart]