Thursday, November 29, 2007
verdict of ma' life- to break away...
Coming from a family full of negativity and very little enthusiasm finds it difficult for me to break away from the culture that had been instilled in me from young.After dwelling for a while it hit me that I don't ever want to end up like my parents. I don't want to be married with kids & then constantly have fights which in turn would affect the characters of the kids. Now, I'm not saying that my parents are the worse examples parents are. It's just the way their minds work due to past experience, circumstances & culture that had programmed in their brain cells to think the way they think - which make it hard for them to break away from these bad habits. Of course attitude and mentality plays a big part. And after undergoing alot of hardships, I understand It's difficult for them to look on the bright side of life.
Here, I might sound like I'm blaming on the factors that made me become what I am. Well in the initial stage of teenagehood I had been blaming myself and mostly my parents for my low self-esteem, sensitivity and emotionality & all shits that happened to me. It's because during that point in time I could see my reflections in them. I was angry & hated myself. I even wished I could belong to another family. Questions like, "why can't I have a family like hers? Why am I so unfortunate to be born in this family?" came into my thoughts & began to poison me. These questions gathered to a mountain height & finally caused me a great depression. It's these questions that I realised now, which had caused my downfall- in academics, relationship, kinship & other aspects of life. Perhaps if I were be hopeful & looked on the positive side during my setbacks & just hold on a while longer, things would have turned out better for me.
I was glad I went through a process which changed my perceptions. I joined an MLM company that gave me training everyday with alot of positive energy and to have long-term goals. I was beginning to think positively & gained some confidence. However, I couldn't continue because expenses is higher than revenue while working there. So I resigned. I was bumming for a few months, clueless of where to go. Finally I got a desk-bound job, which I wasn't excited about... but I had to bring in some income to pay off my sch fees. Well my enthusiasm and positive level plunged after a while. I could just feel it. Slowly, I slackened...and let my emotions to sip in and win my mind over. I lost interest in what I should be priortising in. I just thought of enjoying my life & be merry. It was until that day I just had the initiative to call school and just to know what I've missed. I got lectured and got knocked some sense into. And if that ain't enough I got another lecture from another person. I had to deal with the critism I got or I wouldn't have woken up from my deep sleep so I thought I had to do something about it. I was emotionally destressed but just decided to keep it aside & face the music instead of my old self who would just breakdown & cry. I told myself I have to come back to reality & stop my fairy tale crap. I don't want to end up like my parents. I have to break away from my family's culture in order to make a change. I have to break away from my emotional & vulnerable self or I'll get hurt deeper. I can't afford to end up like them in the current fast-paced standard of living. I have to start building a pipeline now because I don't want to be a bucket carrier & wait for the bucket to dry up before I realise it's too late. The first step is the hardest.
Posted by ZayS at 11:27 AM
Monday, November 26, 2007
Damn nigga! fark off u damn stalker!
OMG! IM SO FRIGIN' PISSED! IM GONNA HAF A BITCH FITS! 2 damn farkin' niggas are farkin stalking me!!! Its a bloody tag-team I'm sure! Aaaaaaaaaaaargh! I almost went crazy just dealing with the last one... So godamn ANNOYING! See, after threatening him that I would not hesitate to call the police if he continues to harass me, he said "tell the police I wanna be friend with you den". WTF! My threats and ignorance ain't working! Instead, i get back the threats... he said dat if i continue to ignore him the closer he will get to me. Freaky!Imagine just yesterday itself i had 5 repeated missed calls and about a dozen messages from this asshole. And its bloody disturbing my peace! I mean what if I'm really at my wits end and decided to go down to the police and tell them that theres this nigga who is harrassing me? The only thing i can do now is to keep ignoring his messages and calls although its flooding my inbox and polluting my godamn mind! He just couldn't get it in his weird, desperate mind dat i asked him to fark off and i dont wanna be friends with him and get outta my life. I get replies like, "Talk to me I miss your words", "I cant stop thinking about u", "I'm a fast learner so you can teach me how to befriend you". EEEWWW! Ain't it just disgusting to even read it?? It makes my hair stand if it doesn't do to you... It's called STALKING not BEFRIENDING you stupid nigga stalker!
PS: Damn bloody stalker, please pest off my life if you're reading this! Thank you.
Posted by ZayS at 4:03 PM
can't take my mind off it...
damn girl...move like its your world...
feel the heat while you twirl...
the songs are playing...
the smoke surrounding...
people swarming...
the energy is getting high...
releasing your endorphines...
only aware of your own existence...
your own body...
your own movement...
be at your ultimate freedom...
be so happy & carefree...
treasure the memory.
Posted by ZayS at 1:34 PM
Friday, November 23, 2007
batam ~steamy and hot!
We took 'batamfast'(wad a name) ferry to batam central. After which ujang picked us up from dere to our destination which is Mustika Ratu Spa Salon. Located at Nagoya. The place looks cozy and i get the whole room to myself... complete with massage bed, sauna system and a bathtub.
well first,the lady who attended to me asked me to strip and wear the disposible panties dey provided. after which i was shivering out of coldness and anxiety(its my first time you see)wrapped with the kain batik lepas while waiting for her to come in.(it would be awkward if i were to undress in front of her..phew!) so ive to take it the cloth off and lie on my stomach and then she blanket me over with the batik. She started to massage the pressure points on my feet... then slowly working upwards. Its the part where she pulled up the cloth to massage my ass that got my eyes wide open and made me go "WADEHECK!" But after a while it was Ahhhhhh..... heehee. Got me somewhat wet. bleah....
Well after dat something happened that got me almost burst out in laughter. Thank god i could control. Thats when she began massaging my breast... it was embarrasing... I wouldnt want the lady to know im a "spa virgin" rite? Luckily i didnt let out an orgasm! Wahaha! yeah rite...
Niwaes after the massage it was time for the herbs scrub... smell of all the types of herbs & spices(thank goodness its not curry!). After rubbing my whole body(inclusive of ass and breasts) she asked me to get up and go into the sauna machine... zipped me up inside to bake me for ard 10 mins. I was sweating like a piglet! Then i got out and she wiped me with a towel(by now i feel like a child again) and ushered me back to lie face up on the bed for the masking process. With a wide brush, she spread the mixture on my body... i was practically shaking coz it was so bloody cold! After which she blanket me over with the batik. I fell into a deep sleep soon after. When the mask is dried time to mask the back body and i shivered again for a while and then fell sound asleep. She woke me up from my serenity for the next process which i Love most! The Jacuzzi bathtub! Ahhhhh... Steamy hot water... she scrubbed my back and den leave me alone in private. Atlast... and i was thinking "this is the life"....
After a nap in the bathtub i had to wash up with the Johnsons baby shower foam provided and to dispose the disposable panties. I was like "errrr ok i had to bathe butt naked in her presence?" Was like wadeheck! She was cleaning up while i bath... i didnt even get to bathe with my own sweet time...i mean shes dere and i felt she was rushing me! She gave me the towel and told me not to dress first for the 'ganggang'(not sure if its the right spelling) process... i was like ok. But i was super shock to see the burnt charcoal all smoked up and giving a pungent smell in a silver container and it was placed on the floor and the stool over it. The stool was weird-looking, with a hole in the middle of the sit. I was wondering wad the hell it was for until.... she bloody asked me to sit on it(in my birthday suit)! goddamn it! I didnt know such tings exist! I asked her wads it for and its supposed to kill the bacteria and vanish the smell of our vaginas. whoa! serious shit! I was wrapped with a cloth over so that the smoke dun escape. I couldnt wait to get off the chair! Atlast ... phew! Time to put on body lotion and dress in my privacy... wow i couldnt wait to go again! Only tis time i hope i would have more of my space... hmmm... thats a bloody long detailed story ay? i loike details... heee
Posted by ZayS at 4:26 PM
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Bee-zy Week!
Wow atlast- time to blog & rest... was fully occupied whole week!!! Tiring but FUN! Catch- up with old frens and movies and gigs...
MON: Met up with Wati, Sab, Lina(ex-ite mates) - Watched Gameplan(The Rock is hot!*melts*)
TUE: Plan was to meet Linie and Hakim and Raul to Gelare(tue half price-hee)... Turned out my sis was at Sun Plaza Coffee Bean already so Linie and me joined her and not long after Ibrahim, his sis and Atiqah... Had a FEAST(really a feast i tell ya... compliments to self-claimed chefs Atiqah and my sis- its ALL in da house! Thx to the quirky hillarious manager, Nora)
WED: Gotta know our dear long lost fren Priya came back to S'pore from India(where she's studying) for a short break! Only Vincent, Myra, Zakky and Me manage to make it. Chilled at Banquet Causeway Point and then to Cold storage for Yumph2 donuts and to 'pasar malam' for my balls(oops takoyaki octopus balls i mean!) And oh Gosh Priya's accent have changed~ but she's still our same old Priya... haha!
Thur: Supposedly a 'make-up' session for those who can't turn up the day before to catch up and meet Priya... Mdm Annur joined, we settled for McDonalds Sun Plaza, but our lady was stucked at J.B instead... So Zakky, Me & Maryam. We got Ice cream treat from Mdm Annur just because Maryam turned up which was... "Wow!"
FRI: Went to Home Club to support Izat's friend's band with other PunkRock Bands... But it was Midnight by the time their band finished playing so we went off before the other 2 bands play. Its been very long since i attended gigs...back to ma roots!
Just looking at them perform i could feel the enthusiasm myself! Like i wished i'm in front performing! haha (missed playing drums man...). Last week Confession of a Rock Junkie- and coming up 8 dec @*scape... I'm so looking forward to My Chemical Romance coming to town to perform!!! It's been a while I ROCK! But as i aged now, i dun tink i can Mosh and Body-Surf and Headbang like i did last 5 years? Geez i feel like an old lady talking like dat... haha! Niwaes looking forward to wham-bam action this End of Year! My 4 days work leave better be of good use! Wheeee~
Posted by ZayS at 5:11 PM
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
catching up good times
It's just pretty amazing how thrilled and excited i will be whenever I meet up with my old mates. By that, i mean the friends that i'm close with, back from school days. Mainly my girlfriends from my Secondary Sch & ITE days. These are the people whose bond with me have been unintentionally created over the few years of school life. I'm glad we have been keeping in touch, especially my Secondary school mates. Four years of knowing people well enough -gives you the security and trust in friendship. Of course they are shipwrecks in a storm - or two (in the case of fallen friendship)... but ultimately, I know for sure that those who still remembers me and stand by me during my darkest moments are definitely keepers. It could be the only way that you are darn sure you will still be going out with them for dinners or catch-up sessions when you finally have wrinkles and sagging skin!Anyways, back to the main subject. I couldn't stress enough that catching up good times does release your endorphines making you a happier person(if you're already happy) and makes you feel sane(for those insanely depressed-was one of those) after the session. So psychologically,(and i really mean psychologically) its really better than seeing psychiatrists or counsellors(i'm personally sure of that)... plus you don't need to burn a hole in your pockets. You could simply enjoy a cuppa latte at your favourite cafe with your mates! So treasure your school life while you still can... and love your mates like i do mine!
~dedicated to my darling babes!(from Sec, ITE, Cobragroup & of course my darling cousins! Love you guys loads!
Posted by ZayS at 3:18 PM
Thursday, November 08, 2007
deppa eve boogie
was awesome on deepa eve... boogie with hot mama and the rest... haha... deppa itself watched "Halloween" but kinda wateva la the movie... but chilling at starbux was fun - cam-whoring and gossiping session! HAHA. Juz blardy lurve these ladies... they rawk my werld!Posted by ZayS at 10:46 PM
Saturday, November 03, 2007
sad happy moments.... oxymoron i noe....
omg i hadnt had time to go online... been busy with outdoor activities after work almost everyday until i fell sick! 2 days MC & recovering now. Beginning of the week felt crap... monday blue was rrly rrly blue... don wanna talk abt dat den followed by awesome fun with zakky and the gang... here are the pics...