Wednesday, December 15, 2010

answered questions... finally.

there's without doubt 1 question still in my mind though most questions which had been pondering in my head for so long was answered. what is love exactly? what's the definition and why is it so great that people are willing to go through it even if it means torture?

As for the answered questions, I'm still uncertain if the news was a happy or sad one for me. Perhaps it's both. Happy because i'm finally let in the truth behind those riddles and games. Sad because it seemed that my feelings were unaccounted for. Either way i'm grateful to Allah who had answered my prayers and lift this load of burden off my chest. I must say, I'm part relieved that what I had somewhat believed from my instinct was true . Now the question is, do I regret or was it worth all the waiting and agonizing? Because I've let away all the chances I had in order to move on just because of my stubbornness to stay true to my feelings.

The anxiety that i'm having for the new year is also partly affecting my vision for the future. But i know i should Tawakallillah. Leave it in His hands as He knows best. So on my part I should not think too much and just live life fullfillingly. Set my focus right and stay rooted & strong. Now that's the start for the new year resolution list. May He guide this lost soul. Amin.

Posted by ZayS at 11:44 AM

Sunday, December 12, 2010

ive tis strong urging desire to juz b sumplc new & leave all e familiar behind. i nid to b on my own. n since loneliness is the only way ive ever known it shld b sumtin ive to experience. ive to make it happen or i'd be another 'productive' convo. other ppl ard me r progressing fast except me. N tho i very much am glad for them, its only making my esteem lower. even tho nobody mention it im sure that everyone ard me is annoyed by my 'sad stories'(1 of my closest gf for instance). its time to be independent, to be free, to b happy. I feel lyk i owed e folks too much. n im juz afraid i'd cum to e pt wen i wont be able to provide for them coz of my underachievements. i hate the fact dat i stil am 'under their wings' n still sharing my burden instead of joy. May the upcoming new year b filled with new beginnings n achievements so its easier to delete the past n move on. May 'HAPPY new year live up to its name'.

Posted by ZayS at 10:59 PM