Tuesday, November 17, 2009
soul-search quest
Soul searching quest seems to be working quite alright... i have been going to the gym the past week to workout and try keep fit. And also starting to pick up guitar back since i realised that its part of a destressor for me. These activities does keep my emotions at bay. I just have to continue to keep myself occupied. As these emotions have gone uncontrollable over the past few weeks. Especially when i don't have anything to occupy me without any obligations, i.e accompanying a friend who goes shopping when i am dead broke - feeling agonized just watching, when i myself desperately need retail therapy.
Now i have a commitment to the band even though i have to line with bass instead of drums... well as long as i get to do what i am interested & most importantly, happy in - music(though i very much am more passionate in drums). But i guess i have to see how far it goes... because the last time i got committed to something or someone, i just seem to back out for whatever reasons. It could be my impatience to see results, or fear or merely pressurized by others' words and influence to do something. And the song "Nothing Else Matters" made me realise that it is indeed true in part of the lyrics... "forever trust in who we are... and nothing else matters".
Though my parents are pressuring me to take up hairdressing as a skill just because they saw the 'talent' i have... but i am just keeping my options open and delaying from enrolling impulsively. Even though i do feel i should learn as many skills as i can... just not to the extend that it adds pressure to me and unable to cope and ending up with nothing in the end. I just need to find my true identity and see what works best for me and to do something i enjoy doing and not obligated to do it just because it is my parent's underachieved dream. It isn't fair when i am given the option to 'continue study' or 'get married' next year - like WHAT THE HECK! Its just less then 2 months to next year! Come on! Be reasonable and realistic when giving time-line for decision-making! Perhaps the very culture i am growing up in might be the very reason why i am always making mistakes or making the wrong move. I am so sick and tired of making decisions recklessly, causing my downfall. Its time to stop that nonsense! Well lets just see where fate brings me and hopefully things will get better. Just have to trust in me, myself & I.
~to the quest of joy!
Posted by ZayS at 12:42 PM